Caught up in the rapture
Could things get any sweeter than this?
Jeffrey and I were enjoying a lazy afternoon watching football on TV when he started tracing something on my back.
“What are you doing?” I asked while arching my back in pleasure.
“Making my mark,” he explained “Actually I am writing something”
“What?” “Something I never expected to be writing.”
“Stop teasing me, and tell me.” “I am writing…” He paused. “I love you.”
I was silent and I could feel the blood rushing to my head. Did he just say he loved me? Why? I never asked or pressured him. I never told him that I loved him even though I have felt that for some time. If he is saying it with no pressure then it must be true. After all, if it was just about sex, well he has already had that.
“Why are you quiet? . Did I upset you?” Jeffrey asked softly.
“Of course not,” I said. “I guess I didn’t expect to feel this way either, I love you too.”
He smiled and then leaned in for a kiss.
I met his lips with passion.
If there was a definition of hot and steamy, it was us. It was truly a whirlwind romance. Just when I started to feel like things couldn’t get any better, the dreams started.
First it was just strange little things, like I’d dream that we would be eating and he would try and feed me a piece of chocolate and then when I looked down it would be an onion. Then the dreams became more overt. I would dream about him leaving the house and a woman holding a baby waving as he left. I always dream when something is not right and in my heart I knew something was not right.
I also started noticing that he would never call Nigeria in my presence and when I spent the night, occasionally Jeffrey would answer the phone in hushed, whispered tones. Initially I thought nothing of it, but combined with the dreams and the fact that I thought I heard him say sweetheart on the phone one day, I had to confront him with my concerns.
At first he hedged the questions and played down my concerns but as I continued to press him he eventually admitted that there was something he hadn’t told me.
I held my breath as Jeffrey spoke:
“I’m sorry, I should have told you right from the beginning but I felt you wouldn’t want anything to do with me” My heart began to pound in my chest. What was he going to say? Would this mean the end of the relationship? Was he really too good to be true?
“I have a child. She is six. I am no longer with the mother but there it is,” Jeffrey blurted out.
I was torn between irritation and relief. A child I can deal with, it was better than the alternative, but I was a little upset that he didn’t tell me before. I had a right to know before I got involved and I told him so. He apologized and looked so dejected.
“I guess now I’m going to lose you?” He said.
I was quiet. I didn’t quite know what to say.
He came close and put his arms on my shoulders.
“I love you. I wish that I had met you before but I love my daughter and she will always be part of my life.” His eyes said even more than his words.
I remained quiet. The fantasy I had created was not quite gelling. I always wanted for my husband and me to share the first childbirth together. Now my child would always be second in his mind, if we even went that far.
“Baby, please don’t shut me out because of this. I should have told you I know, but it doesn’t change how I feel about you.”
I looked at him. He was so handsome and looked so sincere and I was already so deeply in love with him, how could I walk away? What if he was my soulmate? My one true love? Surely passion like ours doesn’t come around twice?
I decided to throw caution to the wind. This was the kind of love I had been waiting for all my life, I was not going to let it go over a technicality. I would be a great stepmother if it came to that , but her mother was a different story.
“What’s the deal with her mother?” I asked.
“Well, honestly I just dated her in passing and I guess she was so determined to be Mrs. Jeffrey Ifedike that she got pregnant.”
“What do you mean, she got pregnant? She didn’t do it alone,” I said with slight annoyance. “I mean you could have used a condom”
“I should have, but she told me she was on the pill”
“So you two are no longer together?”
“No, I broke up with her and then she told me she was pregnant. She tried to pressure me into marrying her and honestly, initially, I tried. She moved in with me and my father started proceedings for a traditional marriage but I couldn’t stand it and I pulled out very quickly.”
I didn’t know how to feel. My Prince Charming was losing some of his sparkle.
“I am not proud of the whole situation but it is what it is. My parents are still sore on the topic because as good Igbo parents they expect me to do the right thing.” He continued: “I love my child definitely, but sometimes, especially like in a situation like this, I wish the whole thing had never happened.” He looked at me pleadingly.
I looked at him and while I just wanted to fall into his arms and say it was alright, that I loved him anyway, my mind kept screaming caution, caution.
He continued speaking “I know that I haven’t known you very long but you are the one I have been searching for. I honestly had started to doubt I could feel this way about anyone. You make me feel alive. I can’t even explain it. Since I met you, I think about you constantly and sometimes just recalling something you said or the way you looked at a certain moment makes me smile, and I truly want to be with you always. You are different from any other woman I know. The conversations we have and the way we connect emotionally and physically just blows me away.” He reached for me, put his hands around my waist and pulled me close. He bent his head to my ear.
“I love you Amaka. Don’t leave me.”
My mind was racing though so many different scenarios, but in my heart all I wanted to do was sink deep into his chest and feel his heart beat against mine.
I chose to believe him.
When he moved to kiss me, I parted my lips and put my arms around him.
He sighed with pleasure.